The Heart of Parenting: Growing With Our Children

Ian Willoughby (Parents Group men’s leader): I agree. I believe that Sensei was talking about seeing the parent and child not based on roles but in terms of life condition and the fact that we’re all Bodhisattvas of the Earth. In other words, you may be the parent in this lifetime, but the roles could have been reversed in a previous existence. 

Ian McIlraith (Parents Group 4D leader): Yes. I think the key element of that statement is growing together and moving away from the idea that, as a parent, I am the fully developed human being and I’m going to impart great wisdom to the child. 

Fortunately, our children were born into families that practice Nichiren Buddhism with the SGI. I believe they were seeking Buddhism from a very deep and profound level. They are evolved beings from birth so we can learn a lot from them. Certainly, I have experience and wisdom that I want to impart to my children but not without a great exchange and dialogue and a spirit of Let’s do this together. Let’s grow together as disciples of Ikeda Sensei and create a peaceful world.

Many parents are concerned that their kids are not interested in or oppose their Buddhist practice. What advice would you give to them?

Kathy: As a second-generation SGI member myself, there was a time when I pulled away from the practice. I think every child also has the time when they choose to practice themselves. 

I was a difficult teenager. I ran away from home and did other ill-advised things that some teenagers do on occasion. I was suffering. Through consistent visits from SGI leaders and my parent’s care and daimoku, I began the process of breaking the chain of my inner negativity by establishing my own practice. 

One thing I appreciate is how much my parents chanted for me. No matter what I was putting them through or what they were going through, they were chanting for me to see the greatness of the practice in my own life and to realize my own mission. I have such appreciation for the example my parents set in faith, which eventually led me to the Gohonzon. But the timing is unique for every family and every child.

Ian McIlraith: When my children were growing up, I was super busy within the organization, and I am really indebted to my wife for playing such a significant primary role. 

I wish I had been more purposeful in describing to my kids what I was going through personally, the challenges I was facing and how I was using my Buddhist practice to overcome them, letting them participate a little bit more in my Buddhist practice. That’s what I encourage parents I meet to do.

Ian Willoughby: The child is always watching the parent. In that regard, I think it comes down to parents showing actual proof of this practice and sharing their faith experiences with them, showing them how to overcome obstacles. Then, when the child encounters a crossroads, they will remember how the parent transformed struggle into victory through faith. 

As Parent Group leaders you have spoken with parents all over the country who practice. What are the challenges parents are facing raising children in today’s society? What advice would you give them based on Sensei’s guidance and from your own experiences?

Ian Willoughby: Many kids may be struggling with hope for the future. To see the parents struggle and win gives children hope. That’s why it’s important for parents to remain optimistic in the face of difficulty. We have the Gohonzon; that is how we can manifest hope. 

Kathy: I agree with Ian. A lot of what I hear from parents is that their children don’t have hope because they don’t feel like they can control anything that’s happening in their environment or society. But I feel it’s a great opportunity for us to have a dialogue with our children about utilizing our Buddhist practice not only for ourselves but to give hope to others. Hope starts within our own families and, through our interaction with others, spreads to our communities, then expands into the world. 

Ian McIlraith: What I universally share with parents is to read the book Happy Parents, Happy Kids, which is a compilation of guidance to parents about raising children. It’s a source of encouragement, instruction and inspiration about this great odyssey of parenting by Sensei. It’s a great touchstone to become confident about this incredibly profound responsibility we have as parents to raise our children to become capable people for the future.  

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From Ikeda Sensei
The Greatest Expression of Love is Prayer

My mentor, second Soka Gakkai President Josei Toda, said to parents who were concerned about their children’s behavior: “Even the Buddha is said to have some ills and worries. Our problems make it possible for us to help others. Accumulating experiences in faith through your own personal struggles enables you to become a compassionate leader. There’s no need to be overly anxious. Just stay calm and warmly support your child.”

We have the power of prayer. The ultimate expression of love is prayer. Chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo as you pray for the happiness of your child is certain to reach them. With absolute confidence in the power of the Mystic Law, watch over your child with wisdom and an open heart. (May 8, 2020, World Tribune, p. 8)

June 20, 2025 World Tribune, p. 10