This study series covers Soka Spirit topics to be presented by a youth or student division member at Soka 2030 meetings on the last Sunday of each month.
At some point in our practice, we may clash—or just have trouble getting along—with a fellow member. In a community as diverse as the SGI, such things are bound to happen. The important question is how we respond. We may have an understandable grievance, but if it turns into ongoing resentment toward another practitioner of the Mystic Law, it can become a grudge that gets in the way of our own growth and benefit.
Buddhism teaches that every person has the capacity for both good and evil. Our practice helps us awaken to our own power to change for the better and, through our example, encourage others to do the same. A grudge can pull our attention away from that power. It leaves us unable to recognize the other person’s capacity to change or waiting for them to change so the situation can improve. It can also prevent us from recognizing our own power to transcend differences and forge better relationships.
Speaking of which, Nichiren Daishonin repeatedly stressed the futility of tying our happiness to the behavior of another person. In “On Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime” he states, “If you seek enlightenment outside yourself, then your performing even ten thousand practices and ten thousand good deeds will be in vain.”[1]
So how do we move forward in a difficult relationship? We can begin by chanting sincerely to raise our life state and transform the situation ourselves and with a prayer for the other person’s happiness. In a 1990 address to American youth, Ikeda Sensei explained:
A person who harbors contempt, hatred, jealousy or grudges will realize no benefits.
Of course, you are perfectly free to say what must be said even to your fellow members in faith, and it is necessary to do so. But there is a difference between words spoken with real concern for your listener and those spoken with feelings of hatred or jealousy. It is extremely important to understand and observe this distinction.[2]
Events that started in late 1990 offer a useful example of this distinction. Nichiren Shoshu priests made various groundless accusations that Sensei and the Soka Gakkai were guilty of “slandering the Law.” This included a claim that the singing of Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” at a Soka Gakkai meeting amounted to “slander” and “praising non-Buddhist teachings.” Soka Gakkai representatives reached out to address misunderstandings and growing conflict, but the priesthood refused any form of dialogue.
Sensei responded by laying out the facts and showing that the Soka Gakkai had committed none of these alleged offenses or slanders.[3] Rather than reacting emotionally to their accusations, he returned to a straightforward principle: “There is a saying that the truth is simple. In contrast, never will one find so much argument for argument’s sake as in the words of those who, in order to pass off some falsehood, deliberately set out to make an issue complex and difficult.”[4] Ironically, the priesthood later acknowledged that some of their claims were derived from flawed sources, which confirmed that their accusations were baseless from the start.
Most disagreements between fellow members are far less dramatic or dangerous than the priesthood’s attacks on the Soka Gakkai and Sensei. Still, even an ordinary conflict can invite us to look honestly at our own hearts. When we challenge our own irritation or resentment instead of feeding it, we can turn the difficulty into a source of growth.
From this perspective, challenges we may face with members in our chapters and districts are not merely obstacles. They can help us deepen our compassion, strengthen our trust in the Mystic Law and build more genuine relationships.
Sensei puts it this way:
If we have the firm realization that we SGI members are friends whose relationship spans life’s three existences, it will solidify the path on which we are advancing toward attaining Buddhahood. All we need to do is continue straight along this fundamental path.
Buddhism exists for everyone’s happiness. The organization exists to enable each of you to practice with peace of mind and satisfaction. I pray that all of you, in the United States and in Canada, will continue advancing in harmonious unity and with heart-to-heart bonds of shared affection, as the happiest of all SGI families.[5]
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