by Audrey Phelan
Chicago
I was 14, working as a student aide to a high school guidance counselor, when my classmate was ushered into the office. She was being suspended.
Why then did she seem optimistic, even joyful? She calmly struck up a conversation with me about Buddhism and invited me to an SGI meeting. “I’m not interested,” I blurted out.
At my young age, I had already grown tired of people promoting their religious beliefs. I had experimented with many, and they all fell short of what I was searching for—an answer to the “why” of my life.
My father had died before I was a year old, and my mom was left with four kids all under the age of 4. She remarried and had another child, but when that marriage fell apart, we found ourselves homeless. My mom worked, but didn’t make enough money to get by; our lives became an endless cycle of evictions.
That same day my classmate invited me to an SGI meeting. I was leaving work when I encountered her walking out of a nearby apartment. She had been at an intro meeting there and invited me to another that night. This time I said yes.
I was touched by the warmth and compassion of the members there. They made me feel completely at ease, like I was family, which was something I’d never experienced before. I could glimpse why my classmate had hope when facing a difficult challenge.
At the end of the meeting, we chanted for a few minutes together, and I have been chanting ever since.
Shortly after I joined the SGI, my mother divided up all the pots and pans, gave each of us our baby photos and left town. I was 15.
I was making $1.75 an hour, living with a friend and sometimes had to skip meals. It was difficult then to learn that our mother was cashing our deceased father’s Social Security checks that were meant for us.
The SGI by then had become my lifeline, my family. When I was encouraged early on in my Buddhist practice to participate in the May Commemorative Contribution activity, I agreed immediately, offering the meager tips I made from waitressing with heartful gratitude. I somehow understood that the members weren’t asking me for money; they were encouraging me to make a cause to transform my destiny. Which I did.
Yet karma can be stubborn—I found myself in Ireland in the late ‘80s after many life-changing victories, again in a mode of survival. I was in a highly unstable marriage, trying to protect my two small children while hiding the Gohonzon in a cupboard, for fear that my husband would destroy it.
When a senior in faith encouraged me to paint a golden vision for my life, I flinched. I was barely surviving—what use was a golden vision then?
“You can’t look at the Gohonzon like a wishing well,” he’d said and encouraged me to make my clear vision a focal point for doing my human revolution and deepening my benefit. Despite everything, I began chanting, not only to survive, but to thrive. Shortly after, my husband left after a violent altercation. Through chanting many hours, I was able to protect my children while securing a legal pathway home to the U.S. for my children and me.
About this golden vision… Sometimes the universe offers you opportunities to test whether your resolve is gold, or merely gold-plated. After a 24-year career in teaching, I retired. My income was reduced to half. This was the time for a new determination, and I decided not to reduce the amount I contributed to the SGI-USA in both Sustaining and May Contribution.
Call it a reflection of the confidence I had developed over the years from the profound actual proof and protection I had experienced from my Buddhist practice.
Part of my golden vision, developed over time and chanted about for nearly two decades, was to buy a rental property with a storefront at its base.
In March 2019, I did exactly that. I remodeled the apartments, which quickly filled with tenants, and opened an art gallery and school. A year later, when the pandemic hit, my businesses thrived and grew. We made all our classes virtual and developed a reputation as a welcoming and supportive place.
Recently I remarried, and my husband and I started contributing as a couple. Not only has making contributions all these years enabled me to change my karma, it has helped my family to as well. My siblings have stable lives now.
Last year, I reviewed my contributions and realized they had not changed since retiring. So, this year, I increased my offering, joyfully and with the deepest appreciation.
The joy that I feel contributing is rooted in the challenges I faced in the past and the decisions I made to contribute regardless of my immediate circumstances. As a single mother, I had been inspired by Nichiren Daishonin’s declaration in “The Opening of the Eyes” never to forsake my vow, come what may (see The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, vol. 1, p. 280). It was because of this spirit that I could buy a house to raise my children in, complete school to become a teacher and retire with a pension, which gave me the freedom to start a new career for myself. My financial contributions embody the heart of repaying my debt of gratitude for the life I’ve been able to live.
My husband and I look forward to increasing our financial contributions in the future. Just as I was supported in my youth, my determination is to ensure that our Soka family continues to expand and grow, especially among young people, here in Chicago and all over the world. That is now part of my golden vision.
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